Little known fact about me: When I’m really, REALLY frustrated I flip upside down. I have no idea why this is true about me, but I’ve done it since I was a kid. Today I have spent a lot of time with the blood rushing to my head.
I’ve been paying attention to myself a lot lately to see what it is that triggers my frustration and I think I’ve got it pegged. So often in my life there is something big going on that is overwhelming enough that I fight hard not to think about it. When I have something big hiding under my skin, all the little things start to really bother me. One misspoken word, one bad IV night, one small mistake and I’m a mess. I find it funny about myself that I’m able to let God handle the big things, but little things keep me up at night.
Tonight the little thing that’s got me upside down is that I don’t have my license. It’s such a little thing, but it’s driving me nuts tonight. Hahah! Driving me! Get it? Haha! I didn’t even see that joke coming.
It’s so frustrating to not be able to go where I want to go. My family, my father especially, are so so sweet to take me where I need to go, but I hate asking them to take me places I want to go but don’t really need to go to. It’s a freedom most people have that I’ve never known just to hop in a car and go to the store or leave a party when you want to.
I feel so silly for being upset about this, but I’m a big fan of open honesty and tonight I am almost in tears about this. I’m 25 and have never been able to go someplace all by myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a cage. It’s a beautiful cage and I have no right to complain.
Lord, teach me to be content and thankful for all the amazing blessings you have given me. Help me to trust You even when i don't understand. Little or Big, I know that You are in control and nothing is beyond your miracles. I am whole, license or not.
I have a dear friend who calls me Audi which is one of my favorite nick names. I guess if I can’t drive a luxury car, I will just be one instead. :-)
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