Yes indeed, I think it's time I came to terms with the fact that I'm sick. It's been a bit more blatantly obvious recently as I've had a bigger bandage on my chest, wrist and ankle braces, a cane, a limp and no hair. There really is no avoiding the looking ill part of my life. I need to take a good, long look at myself and let this sink in. I AM SICK. It doesn't not define me, but I do need to let to control a bit more of my life. I think I need to stop acting fine and talking myself into being fine and doing things like I'm fine and paying for them all severely later. Tonight I started paying not after an event but during one. Right in the middle of a party I had to leave (Rudely I may add, as I was starting to cry and didn't want to make a scene with long goodbyes all around). This has not left me very happy with my current state of being. It make me feel like a failure. It makes me feel so week. Satan knows this about me and works it the best he can, but luckily I know he does this so I can combat it a bit since I see it coming. Ya know, I got to go to church this morning and be prayed over by people who love me. I got to spend time with my Ayers family. I got to see lots of people I love and be with them for a wee bit. This should leave me thankful, and I really am. I'm also angry, but at least we have both going for us tonight. I really am honored to get to be sick. I get time no one else gets to pray and seek the face of my father. I am so thankful for that gift. I should be thankful for having to come home early tonight because I'm sure that God can and will redeem it.
Lord, I am going to try and take better care of this temple You gave me even if that means missing out on things I want to do and people I want to be with. I am also going to work on being more thankful for the moments out I do get and the fact that I have such an amazing batch of friends who love me even when I can't hang out. Forgive my attitude and thank You for Your grace on my life. Amen
Hi Whit! Funny you say all this tonight... this is the exact talk Jeff and I had today. MANY tears in our eyes... but we said "Its time we come to terms with it, our kids are sick. It doesn't mean our lives end but it does mean our lives change." It hurts and it stinks and it makes me angry too... but your right... there is something very different and special we experience. I know for us... its our kids, not our own bodies so it makes it diff even between you and I! In a moment of melt down today, a friend said this to me... Please remember this..."the diagnosis doesn't make things worse it just gives you understanding and direction." So... we have to listen to the diagnosis even though we dont make it who we are! Love you girl!
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