This is the fourth time I have tried to write this morning. My head and my heart are flooded with twisted thoughts and tangled emotions. Ever time I start to write I get wrapped up in the subject matter and can’t find my way out enough to type out what I’m experiencing. I feel like Alice falling, falling, falling through a hole that seems to be getting bigger with time with no end in sight. I don’t know which way is up or which way I’m falling, all I know is that there is no ground underneath my feet.
I miss someone so much this morning that my heart hurts all the way through every vain and into my toes. I feel like my heart is pumping this emotion into my head and keeping it from thinking thoughts outside of what I most have done wrong to loose a dear friend. I know these thoughts are not of God and so I fight to keep from thinking them, but they seem stronger then my will. I wake up with them and fall asleep to them. Time will pass and life will distract me, but for now I just keep falling hoping that wherever I land will be strong and secure.
Lord, whatever this is meant to teach me, help me to learn it well because I do not wish to go through this again.
No comments:
Post a Comment