The last few days I have really been missing someone. Not like “Oh it would be nice to see them again” but hard core cry yourself to sleep kind of missing. Because it’s effecting my over all attitude, I’ve been asking God to change my heart, but the truth is that I like missing people. Don’t get me wrong, it’s horrible to miss someone that deeply, but I think missing someone a lot just proves that you love someone a lot and I really like loving people. I think it’s awesome how something so miserable can also be a blessing. The problem for me is that missing someone can lead to bitterness about why I miss them. An early death, a broken relationship, busyness… non of this stuff is happy and sometimes it’s hard to not get wrapped up in it all. It’s hard not to feel rejected when someone isn’t around even when the truth of the matter is that they aren’t doing it on purpose. This is where my heart and mind have been recently. I’m fighting hard to keep myself from coming up with all the things I did wrong to find myself in a position to miss someone so deeply. Perhaps I did screw some stuff up, but I really think that life just happens. I want to be free from guilt, but I don’t want to stop missing people I love who are far from me. It’s kind of a way to love them I think. So… today I’m going to try and miss people with an open hand, leaving room for God to work and hold my emotions instead of me trying to keep them safe inside myself.
My dear friends, I miss you.
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