I am sitting in “my” room at the Ayers house pondering life and death. My family is currently on their way to my Grandmothers viewing. I am not with them because we felt that my health was not well enough to make the trip safely. I am so very sad to be missing out on such an important event. I hate it that I’m missing saying goodbye in a proper way. I hate it that I’m missing the precious family time. I hate it that I’m missing the crying and the laughing. It just feels wrong not to be there. But, all the same, God has really given me a peace about being where I am right now. I am thankful for the Ayers letting me stay here and providing a peaceful atmosphere for my heart to rest in.
I feel like it hasn’t really sunk in that my grandmother is dead. My mind is other places right now. Right now I am more upset about missing family time. I think surrounding oneself with family is part of mourning. It becomes a process you do together. I like that.
Lord, I am happy to be in Your will right now, even if it goes against mine. Thank you for providing peace. Please hold the hearts of my family, especially my father, as they go through the process of loss. Thank You for the promise of Heaven. You are more wonderful then my mind understands, but my heart can feel Your goodness.
God is good and His will is always perfect. I can live in peace through that.
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